brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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