I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
