So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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