I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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