So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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