Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
