Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
