He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
