i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
