i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
