They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
