Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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