did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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