i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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