smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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