clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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