i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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