Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
