I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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