my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
honey bunches of taint.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
