How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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