You're completely useless in the revolution.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
