New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
