you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
