i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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