My brain says no but my pants say off.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
