Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am midnight drunk by noon
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
did i walk over a car last night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
