he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
