How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
