went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
