At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
