I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
