His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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