Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
