The maid of honor just puked.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
