Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
