I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
