apparently the secret to your success is patron
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
