That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
