Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
