I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
