I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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