stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
