Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
