oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
