Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
