Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
