also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
