whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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