fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
