She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
