508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
