she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
