i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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