Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
